Because of you…
I sat on the couch sobbing over the pages of the cookbook in my hand, longing for the day I could eat normal meals again.
Because of you, I traveled two hours for a conference only to stay in my hotel room sick the whole time.
Because of you, I fought Hyperemesis Gravadarum for nine months which resulted in a hospital stay to receive fluids.
Because of you, I felt like a stranger to my own body as it changed in new and unfamiliar ways.
Because of you, when it came time to push, I got stuck with nurses who seemed to be more concerned with the hospital gossip than caring for their patient.
Because you popped out like the Kool-Aid man with an “OHHHH YEAH!” … well let’s just say I will never be the same. And I’ll just leave it at that.
Because of you, I felt completely helpless for weeks on end, with no ability to do anything but feed you.
Because of you, I was forced to ask for help from others (which is very, very hard for me).
Because of you, I cried.
And I cried.
And I cried.
And I cried a whole lot more.
I cried over my body having such a hard time healing.
I cried over both the physical and emotional trauma I endured during delivery.
I cried because of the new schedule you brought to our family life.
I cried over my complete mental exhaustion.
I cried and I worried over your growth rate and your low numbers on “the chart.”
I cried simply because of your cries.
Because of you, I experienced some of the most difficult days of my life.
But, because of you…
I had the privilege of feeling your kicks and hearing your heartbeat inside me for nine months.
Because of you, I felt an elation that I’ve never experienced when they laid you on my chest for the first time, and I spread your little legs a part to find out “what you were.”
Because of you, I grew a strength and patience I’ve never thought possible as I worked with you for hours on end to get you to latch despite your screams and resistance.
Because of you, I learned the humility of asking for help from others and the joy that comes with receiving it.
Because of you, I learned to trust in God and give up control as I was forced to rest and allow my body to heal.
Because of you, I will never take a strong and healthy body for granted again.
Because of you, I love my body, I am proud of all that I have accomplished, and I am humbled to have been used by God in this way.
Because of you, I have a new confidence—that if I can endure what I did then, surely I can do anything.
Because of you, my heart has grown 1,000 times bigger.
Because of you, I have a stronger love for my husband as I watch him care for you and as I see traces of him all over you.
Because of you, I’m a new person. I’ll take the extra pounds, the growing wrinkles, the dark circles, the foggy brain, the nausea, and yes, even the “OHHHH YEAH!” delivery all over again… for you.
Because of you, I am better.
Because of you, I have smiled and laughed more than ever before in the past year.
Because of you, I am called “Mama.”
Yes, motherhood is a sacrifice, but because of you, it’s a sacrifice I will make again and again every single day.
Which of these statements can you most relate to? Share in the comments!
P.S. If you’d like, you can read more about my pregnancy journey in the letter to our little.